As humans, we are inundated with other peoples ideas of what we should look, act or be like. Ideas that almost 99% of the time don’t match up with who we actually are, or want to be. From our parents to our teachers and the visuals we receive from magazines/social media/internet – we are constantly comparing what we have, who we are and what we look like, to others. Thought their ideas are not our own, they do a great job of clouding our vision when we attempt to find ourselves.
This past weekend, in a conversation about confidence and relationships with a friend aka my queen – RaeKissa Webb, there were many revelations about our journeys to accepting our bodies for what they are and not what they are expected to look like. Though our bodies are completely different, we both had adverse relationships with them – many times using them to gain the acceptance & praise we thought the world was to give us. Personally, this showed up in my relationships with men. I had previously used my sexuality to lead into every relationship, believing that I would hook them with my physicality then swoon them with my intelligence.
Being together, we acknowledged major changes in both of our bodies, changes that we had to grow to accept or choose to create. For her, it was accepting her body at every size for the genetic blessings that didn’t look like anyone else’s, except her mamas.
For me, it was realizing that nothing I did physically was separate from my soul, they are one and in order to be my best self, I had to respect my body in all aspects. My releasing of over 60 pounds thus far this year had everything to do with me and my new understanding of my body being the vessel for the soul. I want to be here physically as long as I can and there is an appreciation of what my body does for me that came with that.
In both scenarios, we had to come to an understanding that all parts of us are equally important, require attention and are deserving of love. Most importantly love from ourselves in a holistic way.
Getting to this point took work – we both had to learn the beauty in spending time alone to get to know ourselves, understand we were created in the image of God and give ourselves everything we need and seek only what we want. In order to “heal” our relationship with our bodies, we had to heal our hearts to understand that the body we carry is our distinct gift – to be loved & cared for intentionally, caressed extensively and shared uniquely.
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see
To end the weekend, Kissa was the subject of a spectacular eye – Andrew Thomas Clayton for an amazing boudoir session. I took some shots of my own, because basking in her beauty and confidence, was not to be missed. Enjoy the flicks below.
Confidence & Relationship expert Sarah Harrigan will apply her loving, assertive, motivational and results-focused coaching style to help you generate a shift in your mindset and outlook on life in order to define & design your purpose in life.