the ultimate mindf*ck is forgiveness

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7 years, damnnn. I never thought a bottle of Don Q his girlfriend gifted him could cause such a saga mayn! Love, hate and secret dates. Passionate, soulless, sometimes empty sex. How did friends get into such a mess?
I tried to dip a million times, only to be swindled back with the corniest lines. “What would I be without you? No one knows me like you do.” Girl, he’s not only telling those words to you. A liar, a cheat, sometimes I thought he didn’t have a heartbeat; but all men do, the insecure and the elite.
I wasn’t innocent, I’m extremely dominant and long for power. Being on top of him made every time together, the most amazingly powerful hour. Crashed cars, G&G’s bathrooms stalls…. How can I forget – Penn State’s quietest halls. He was addicted like glue, but with myself, I was not true. I was giving physically & emotionally to a boy who had no idea who he was or wanted to be. He was the complete opposite of me.
I left mentally years before I left physically, and on my search for emotional freedom, the universe sent me – ‘A Return to Love’, on my way to Italy. This book taught me that accepting people how they are and for who they are is the only way I’d keep my sanity. Shit, there’s no question who’s more important; it’s not you, it has always been me.
I returned from Rome and looked upon him with pity, having finally learned how to create my own destiny. Firstly, I decided to apologize to him. Admittedly I had wanted him to be more of a man than he could give me, things he couldn’t even imagine. I had finally understood how to accept him for him and realized he would never change his dark, shady and insecure skin.
See, all this time I thought that he had to free me, when in reality – I am the biggest, baddest Don Dadda, Caribbean Queen Bee. 7 years, wow I thought I was a fast learner, but shaking this bad habit took me around a few corners. Before this, I would’ve never compared a relationship to a habit, I thought it was love, with no intent to commit. But no love lived here, for me, it was more disdain because all we both wanted was the warm gooey feeling of freshly baked cookies from LeVain.
Letting this go on for so long was not the real me, this habit (of you) developed subconsciously. All this time I was unable to see, but I am happy thatΒ FORGIVENESS was the major key that would free my soul eternally.

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